On Going Back

I've had a lot of time to ponder the rewards of being 'mom' over the last few days. Lyla had a rising fever since Thursday, and Saturday when it was rapidly approaching 103 we quickly headed to doctor. Turns out she has an ear infection (about the only trait so far I know she got from me) and has wanted lots of cuddle time. When she is happy she will go to anyone. But when this girl is sad, there is only one place she likes to be. 

With me. 

Last night while soothing sobs and giving one her many nighttime feedings, I was overcome with how much I love this tiny person. She can do nothing for me, so to speak. She's helpless, not to mention sad munch of the time. But nothing gets to me as fast as her hand stroking my face while she eats. She needs me. Not just for sustenance, but also for security, peace, and happiness. 

I know have spent a lot of time on here talking about my struggles and insecurities as a mom with a fussy sleep deprived baby. That's real life. But I want to talk about the other part of real life. The part where she smiles, giggles, talks, shouts for attention, or wants to be soothed in my arms. 

Being a mom is hard. Everyone knows that. Everyone has a different baby with different struggles. But no mom would ever go back. I wouldn't go back when Kel and I would go on a midnight burrito run. Or when we had campouts in the middle of the living room for date-night, or when we would pack up the Subaru with pillows, blankets and treats for a night at the drive in, just the two of us. Or when we would make a list minutes decision for a road trip. I wouldn't go back to when I got to sleep in cuddling with my husband or get a consecutive 8 hours of sleep. Or when attending the temple was easy, or when I could, at the drop of a hat go meet Kelly for lunch. When going anywhere involved just grabbing keys and a wallet. I wouldn't go back to when no one cried for me. When I didn't need to soothe tears, snuggle, or feed the baby for the zillionth time that night.

'Cause now I have a purpose. A real reason for existing. Even though its hard, and I cry and I struggle, I am also rewarded every day with snuggles, smiles and loves. And even naps sometimes:) She needs me. And I need her. And she's my favorite despite it all. 

And that's what they call "Motherhood."

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Now, for a little laughter on your Monday, click HERE. Its seriously the story of my life. I read it a while ago, but a friend just sent it to me reminding me of the ridiculousness that is the life of moms. 

Read it and weep, folks. Read it and weep.

 Tears of laughter, that is.